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Part 3: Thinking Beyond Yourself
1. Think before you act. While foot-in-mouth syndrome can affect both men and women equally, men generally have more of a reputation for getting into trouble for it. Regardless of whether or not this is fair, you should make a conscious effort to put a few seconds of thought into the things you plan on saying or doing before actually following through with them.
Being “hot-blooded” is often viewed as a masculine trait, but it generally isn't wise. While you shouldn't be afraid to take action, recognize that some impulses are not necessarily good. A quick evaluation should be enough to determine whether or not it's safe to proceed.
For instance, if your first reaction is to insult your coworker or subordinate for a minor mistake, it'll be to everyone's benefit if you pause, question your impulse, and choose a better way to deal with the issue.
2. Adopt an altruistic attitude. Seek the best course of action for all parties involved, even if you have to make some self-sacrifice along the way. By demonstrating your willingness to put others before yourself, you send the message that you're someone worth trusting.
Empathy isn't something that comes easily to many men, and it's easy to lose sight of other people when you're focused on your own goals. Nevertheless, it's important to keep persisting in your efforts to meet the spoken and unspoken needs of other people.
This does not mean sacrificing your self-respect, of course. There's a fine line between sacrificing for others and letting others walk all over you. The former is your choice, but the latter is a choice forced upon you that you blindly accept.
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3. Behave sincerely. Treat other people with the same sort of genuine attitude you wish they'd demonstrate in return. Be true to yourself, and allow that truthfulness to spill out in the midst of your daily interactions.
Try not to say or do things you don't mean, even if you're trying to spare someone's feelings or defuse an ugly situation. Being caught in your insincerity will cause people to lose confidence in you, which will make it difficult to have a successful personal or professional relationship with that person.
Take two major action steps here: stop telling white lies and keep any commitments you make (unless a true and unavoidable emergency prevents you from doing so).
4. Meet your familial obligations. There are many family roles you might play during your lifetime. You might be a son, a brother, a husband, or a father. You could have important connections to extended family, or your friends might be your family, even though they aren't related. Regardless of where you fit, you need to make sure that you meet the responsibilities called for within that role.
Both men and women need to be equally involved in their families, but while this is already socially expected of women, society doesn't often place the same degree of expectation on men. For instance, a working mom may receive questions regarding how she balances her career with her family, but a working dad probably won't.
By striving to meet your obligations within your family, you can build your relationships while also building your personal moral character. Families are life-long testing grounds, and treating your family well teaches you to treat others outside the family with similar care.
5. Treat women with respect. Contrary to popular belief, jerks don't get the girl—at least, not when the girl has any sense of self-respect. If you aren't already doing so, you need to stop treating women as objects and start looking at them as fellow human beings.
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6. Make the first move. In any social situation, one person has to be the one who says “go.” Don't be afraid to be that person. Start making choices and arranging plans, and work through any objections as they come instead of worrying about them ahead of time.
The romantic realm offers the most obvious example. If you want to ask a girl out, ask her out. You might get rejected, but even if you do, her rejection at least frees your attention and allows you to start looking elsewhere.
As a non-romantic example, consider the dynamic between you and your friends. Instead of being the one who gets invited to things, start reaching out and extending the invite yourself.
7. Accept others for who they are. Nobody gets along with everybody, but you can probably tolerate most people if you can view them through an objective lens.
No one shares your exact history and current circumstances, so no one will think in exactly the same way you think. Moreover, each person is in a different stage of personal growth; you can probably look back on your life to a time you're not especially proud of.
Once you learn to accept the strengths and weaknesses of other people, you can start influencing them from a place of genuine concern rather than harsh criticism.
8. Demonstrate gratitude. Becoming a better man takes a lot of hard work, and you should be proud of your own accomplishments. You also need to acknowledge the help you receive from other people, though. Be grateful for that help internally, and be eager to share your gratitude externally to the appropriate parties.
In this final part, I talked about such an interesting topic: that you should always think beyond yourself and not go beyond your limits. I hope you found it interesting to learn a lot.
Artemus Vazhui